I am writing this the morning after ‘human remains’ were found in relation to the Sarah Everard case. Scrolling through Twitter and Instagram last night from the comfort of my own home I was struck with sadness and devastation that Sarah was the unlucky one. I don’t mean this to sound inconsiderate but instead it comes from the knowledge that I and many friends, and many women and marginalised genders take a walk after dark with fear but with the thought that it will be fine, it won’t be me.
As many have relayed on Instagram and Twitter: only one headphone in, keys in pocket, the hastened walk to be safe in our homes, hypervigilance, a friend on speed dial and seeking out places of refuge such as takeaway shops. No one speaks of the relief you feel when you get to the last corner, the home stretch, keys at the ready and the satisfying feeling of making it home safe, when you know it wasn’t safe or clever for you to be walking home alone that late.
However, what is the reasonable expectation here? Should we get a £5 uber to take a 10-minute walk home? Despite also being taught that getting an uber/taxi alone as a woman is also not safe. What are we supposed to do? We do everything we have been taught. Sarah Everard did everything she should have. But people, typically men, still question why she was out at 9.30pm. The same men walk home after hours with their headphones in with little to no fear of being sexually harassed, assaulted, kidnapped or raped. Typically, it is some of these men who are making women feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
One may question how I have linked catcalling and harassment to assault, kidnap and rape, the behaviour exerted by those who physically harm women and marginalised genders do not sit in isolation. Small comments about a women’s appearance and degrading a woman to her body are the start of a wider sexist and misogynistic attitude. One would be naïve to assume that the men who harm women, the man who killed Sarah, did this in isolation. As their first act of harm. The reality is that one had encompassed many harmful opinions, actions and ideas in the lead up to this unthinkable act. Many which other men ignored.
A male friend of mine went running at 4am the other day for a 4x4x48 hour running challenge. After the initial thoughts of “wow this is crazy, but well done, I support you,” I was struck with the thought of running at 4AM. That’s when it hit me, that’s male privilege. Even the idea of running after dark at 6pm or walking after dinner come with considerations. I was reminded by my mum to be careful, although I wasn’t going further than 2km from home. All I wanted to do was escape lockdown and have 30 minutes of freedom to walk outside, listen to music and to breathe. Even this was tainted by fear.
Walking home in the dark or after 20.30pm, is something that I do at least 2 times a week. The same routine. The same “I got home safe text.” Even short walks can be filled with fear and danger. Walks in the middle of the day are not absence from catcalling and harassment either. Whilst the light makes us feel safer, the streets are still not safe.
Maya Tutton and her sister Gemma have started a campaign, Our Streets Now, to criminalise public sexual harassment after they were both subject to sexual harassment and Gemma was subject to sexual comments about her body and legs. Maya responded to Gemma’s experience at the age of 11 stating that “this had become a normal part of being a girl” and “that this wouldn’t be the only incident, [nor] the worst.”
This is where we, women and marginalised genders, have done everything we can. We have protected ourselves in all the ways we can imagine and short from not going out after 6pm or going out at all, there is nothing we can do. We need your help. Yes, I am talking to you, men.
Although, it is possible that men will also be targeted, this is less likely and would most probably be by another male. We need your help. We need you to talk to you friends about sexual harassment, make others aware of how catcalling, staring and/or inappropriate comments make us feel. Many will rebut this feeling and question how much it really affects women. It is unneeded humiliation and degrading treatment. This also needs to go beyond the context of the outside realm. Internal beliefs need to be challenged too.
How do you treat you female and marginalised friends? Reconsider: Was that joke actually funny? Was it needed? Or was it just sexist? Do you appreciate their stories, their fears? Do you listen when they are trying to inform you of the extra struggles they have to live with? When they relay shocking statistics such as the fact that 97% of women in the UK have been sexually harassed, do you believe it, or do you rebut with “I don’t believe you. They are just over exaggerating”.
As Claire Barnett, the executive director of the UN Women UK stated, “We are looking at a situation where younger women are constantly modifying their behaviour in an attempt to avoid being objectified or attacked.” In the same article, Laura Bates, the founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, went on to say that “At the root of all this is the normalisation of the idea that a woman’s body in a public place is simply public property and young women just have to put up with it. We have to shatter that normalisation through policy and in the press if we want to change the picture.”
It is this normalisation which we need men to recognise and change. By men calling out other men and if men are more considerate in how they can make women feel when they are walking in the dark, maybe then women will gradually begin to feel safer when walking home: an act which women have the right to do. Maybe then the media and society will follow, drawing away from victim blaming and only then women will be believed, and men held accountable.
If you are a man and you are reading this: this is not an attack towards you but a reminder to do better. To hold others accountable and to reflect on how your actions, although unintentional, can affect others and their feeling of safety.
Before, I go I wanted to list some acts of sexual harassment. I believe that if society, and men in particular, were more aware of what constitutes sexual harassment we would be able to reduce its prevalence and hold the perpetrators accountable.
The most important word when looking at sexual harassment is the fact that the behaviour is “UNWANTED”. This is the element that makes the behaviour unacceptable. It is unwelcomed. Although it is circumstantial, I can tell you no one wants to be noticed, commented on and highlighted on a late walk home.
The list of examples of sexual harassment below are not exhaustive and are not all in relation to walking home at night. Sexual harassment can also take place at work, on the tube, at bars and inside safe places.
- Cat calling
- Sending unwanted explicated images
- Unwelcomed sexual advances
- Discussing sexual stories, fantasises whilst at work.
- Request for sexual favours
- Blocking someone’s path, not appreciating their space.
- Sexual comments (around appearance, clothing…)
- Staring at someone
- Following a person
- Making sexual gestures
- Looking someone up and down
- Standing close to and brushing up against a person.
Don’t stop here. Let’s all take the next step, with men at the forefront.
Written by Abbie Bauckham